Contributed by: Ling
Jokes to share?

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."

The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

Contributed by: Belumni
Jokes to share?

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

Contributed by: Brenda Lee
Jokes to share?

A student couldn't stop talking in class, so the teacher made him talk to walls after school. The student said "Hello!" to the wall, and he stopped talking. So the teacher asked him why didn't he carry on talking to the wall since he likes talking so much. He said: "I'm waiting for the wall to reply"

Contributed by: Sue Ann
Jokes to share?

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher.

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries.

The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes."

Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again.

"Never mind," giggles the blonde,

"I got in the back seat by mistake."

Contributed by: Belumni
Jokes to share?

Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.

Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'

The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.

Contributed by: Belumni
Jokes to share?

The Captain went out to find that none of his cadets were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The Captain was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the cadet go. Moments later, eight more cadets came up to the captain panting, he asked them why they were late.

"Sorry, sir! We all had dates and they ran a little late, we ran to the bus but missed it, we hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now we're here."

The captain eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too.

A ninth cadet jogged up to the Captain, panting heavily, "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..."

"Let me guess," the Captain interrupted, "it broke down."

"No, sir" said the cadet, "there were so many dead horses on the road, it took forever to get around them."

Contributed by: Micheal Tan
Jokes to share?

A guy decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the plumber who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.

"Charles," he asked, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"

"Ten" said Charles.

So the fellow bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job. It looked wonderful, but he had 2 rolls of wallpaper left over.

"Charles," he said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 left over!"

"That's funny," said Charles. "So did I."